Leap of Faith ✚ Tuesdays with Tish
I rarely look at my Facebook feed these days. No one posts anything I care to see, frankly. Certainly not those terribly made quote-over-image things from pages like "Things Only Moms Get". But the other day I saw one I liked because the painting had Little Red Riding Hood vibes and the quote was surprisingly relevant and timely to me.
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
As I've mentioned, but not expanded on, I have been having *a time* for the past couple months after the end of my long-distance relationship. I feel like I reached the tipping point somewhere around New Year's; I realized I had moved from denial & depression into acceptance. I was no longer indulging myself in sad relatable songs. I no longer found myself fantasizing scenarios in which we could get back together. I had finally accepted my reality; denying it was why I was hurting so much. So, it would seem I have let go of the life I had planned. I clung to it for a while, but I have accepted that I will never have that life. (Of course, that is when he rises from the dead to send me a completely mundane inconsequential message just to fuck me up BUT I'M NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.)
Being willing and able to let go is very tough for me. I don't like letting go. I'm stubborn as fuck. I never let anything go. I hold grudges like a muthafucker. If I decide on something I will not change my mind. I have to have it. So... falling in love and wanting nothing more than to be able to be with the person that I love but having to wait and wait and wait and then finally say goodbye IS NOT OKAY WITH ME. SPOILED BITCH GETS. WHAT. SHE. WANTS. So, no, I'm not "over it". But I have let go of it. Those two things are different, apparently. If you're hoping for some advice, all I've got for you is... time. It just took time. I tried to be kind to myself, not trying to force myself to stop thinking about it, just let myself *go through it* and told myself there would come a time when it didn't hurt so much. I got there when I got there.
Okay, so, I've let go of the life I had planned. What is the life that is waiting for me? I guess that's a rhetorical question. You don't know, do you? You'd tell me if you did, right? Letting go is tough for stubborn Scorpios, but once you have really let go, you get to enjoy that exciting "the world is my oyster" feeling. -pause while I look into the origin of that phrase because wtf oysters are small and gross but the world is big and amazing- Okay, apparently, I am ready to find a pearl in a gross oyster. I've got a lot of free brain space now that it's not obsessing over heartbreak, so I'm enjoying all the creativity and ideas rolling around in there now. I could do anything! I'm gonna wear bawse suits and write and make stuff and be good at my job! And eat oysters! jk ew no so gross
It's a double Moira with some very good advice. Maybe I need to take some risks.
See you next Tuesday.