Core Desired Feelings ✚ Tuesdays with Tish
How do you want to feel? It's a better question to ask yourself when setting goals and making plans than just What do you want to do?
There's a woman you should know about. Her name is Danielle LaPorte. Her voice is silky smooth yet strong, she's poetic yet commanding, and she tells it like she sees it. I get her weekly newsletters, read her blog, and have read two of her books; The FireStarter Sessions and The Desire Map. I knew about Danielle's concept of Core Desired Feelings and the Desire Map before I got my hands on the book. So by the time I got to the part of the book to choose your Core Desired Feelings, I already had three in mind; Joy, Accomplishment, Connection. My process of choosing my Core Desired Feelings for me was about taking these words that felt right and doing a self-check on not just future goals (how I want to feel) but check them against previous life experiences when I felt my best; why do I love doing what I love doing?
I use my Core Desired Feelings to guide me. Big goals, daily tasks. Sudden desires that pop up- should I really do this? Well, it would give me one or more of my Core Desired Feelings in a big way. Then I should do it. Daily, I check in- am I making time today to do what brings me each of my Core Desired Feelings?
It's all about feeling good! I want to feel good! I want to be happy! My Core Desired Feelings are why I've done what I've done and why I want to do the things I want to do in the future.
One might choose Happiness, Gladness, even Peacefulness, but Joy is the word that came to me. A moment of explosive Joy (there is also a peaceful Joy- I’ll get to that) that I will always remember is when I took a road trip with my BFF Juliana to my hometown area; for my own nostalgia, a Harry Potter event, and my desperate desire to see my beloved Lake Huron again. I got glimpses of it as we took a winding cottage road for the last leg of our journey to the small town where we’d booked our motel room. We unloaded our bags and immediately walked the two blocks down to the lake. I couldn’t contain my big smile and clutched my chest like my heart might leap out of it.
When I described it later to my boyfriend, “My heart exploded with joy!” is the phrase I used. That’s what I want in my life. Moments of exploding Joy. Moments when nothing else matters, nothing crosses my mind, no problems matter right now, all I feel is good and right. Life is complete; this moment is happening. I am in the moment. Joy finds me and grabs me and makes me pay attention. Past pain is forgotten. Future worry doesn’t exist. It is only this moment; this Joy. That’s how I feel when I am at the lake. When I'm near water. When I'm skating. When I am surrounded by my bosom friends, laughing my ass off about who knows what. Explosive Joy comes in moments, as the adjective suggests. A burst of Joy. It brings you into the moment- but it doesn’t last forever. When I first stepped down on the sand, I was exploding for a few minutes. As Juliana and I walked along the shore on the smooth rocks, my Joy explosion settled into a simmer. A peaceful Joy. My heart was full, but no longer overflowing so much that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t help but slightly smile as we walked. The Joy wasn’t overtaking my brain so much that I was completely present. My mind wandered. I felt grateful that I had the chance to have this trip with the only person with whom I could have wanted to take this trip; grateful for the kindred spirit walking next to me. But my mind also thought of my boyfriend; what it would be like to be walking here with him. I thought of other things that make me happy. I thought of all the Joy I would feel throughout the next few days with my best friend. I thought of my life and myself. All with a peaceful Joy in my heart keeping me grateful, positive, optimistic, satisfied. That is my Joy; explosive and peaceful.
I like getting shit done. Well, sometimes I don’t always like the act of doing it but I like having it done. I don’t always want to clean up but I want a clean apartment. And I want that feeling of Accomplishment that I get after I finishing cleaning. I did it. I am not useless. I did something. When I thought of things I like doing and how my Core Desired Feelings (as I was deciding if these felt right) fit with them, making videos hit all three. Any creative work/creation brings me Joy, putting stuff on the internet is a desire for Connection and, of course, making something is an Accomplishment. Particularly editing, my favorite part. Every little piece of the puzzle I put together while editing gives me that little dopamine(?) rush of Accomplishment. Speaking of puzzles, I've recently picked up the hobby of jigsaw puzzles as it gives me those constant little Accomplishment boosts for every little piece I put in place.
I love the feeling of a job well done. Or at least done. I don’t need to be the best housekeeper, but damn if it don’t feel good to know I actually did all the dishes today. I love to-do lists so I can keep track of my accomplishments. Sometimes it’s as simple as getting out of bed before noon on a Sunday. It’s going grocery shopping when I need food. It’s also all day every day at my job. Small tasks like replying to an email. Big tasks like finishing a page on the website. Little tasks that add up to big tasks like successfully preparing for and running a film festival. Accomplishment is my most daily Core Desired Feeling. I get it in small doses all day everyday. It keeps me going.
When I first thought of Connection, I was thinking of my connection with other people. The Connection with people I desired but never got from putting content on the Internet, my Connection with my dear friends, my desire for the Connection of a romantic relationship.
Thinking more about it, I felt something was missing and I realized I had other connections I desired. I wanted to feel more connected with myself, and actually that was an important connection I was already working on all the time. I talk to myself constantly, analyze my life and thoughts. I definitely need a healthier Connection with myself mentally.
It may be because I’m getting older but I’m feeling I need to connect more with my body. I need to be more aware of what I'm putting in it, what I’m doing with it. I want to be able to use my body. I don’t need it to look a certain way or impress anyone with my athleticism (ha). I just want to feel like when I want to move a certain way, I can. I am not my body; but I do live in one. It’s the connection from my mind (my self) to everything in the world around me. So I want to make sure I can sense everything and use my body to live in the world.
I also crave Connection to something more. Not people. Not myself. The world. What is that feeling that I crave about being near water, or sitting in a park under a tree, or walking through a cemetery? It’s a certain kind of Joy, yes. It comes from connection to nature, to the world. I get it when I am out in nature. I’m also so glad I moved into an apartment with a balcony because when I’m starting to get too in-my-head, or I feel like my world has become very small (aka inside my phone), I step outside and I am reminded that there is a world out there. There are people living their lives. There are trees and grass and wild animals. There is a river I can barely see, clouds in the sky and a setting sun, stars and moon and galaxies far far away. It helps me level out to remember my place in this world; very small, yet connected to everything.
So, that's how I want to feel. When I'm having a bad day, I try to remember my Core Desired Feelings and do something that makes me feel one, or make plans to do things that will make me feel that way.
How do you want to feel?
See you next Tuesday.