Control ✚ Tuesdays with Tish
Okay, I know last week I wrote about how Winter makes me sad/SAD but this week I need to write about how Winter makes me ANGRY.
Okay, fine, it’s not just Winter itself. It’s my own control issues. Winter takes away some of my control. I can’t control the shitty weather. (Not that I can control the weather the rest of the year, it’s that I don’t want to.) I don’t get to decide what to wear; I have to throw a sweater over everything. I can’t control the late buses or icy sidewalks. I can’t do things I want to, like, enjoy the outdoors. God, I’m shrivelling up indoors. I also can’t control my new neighbour’s dogs’ barking which has nothing to do with Winter but has been making me very angry for the past week and a half.
So, I have control issues. It’s been documented on my Twitter, in fact. See: this thread I’ve added to throughout the past year.
Now, I'm not sure if controlling certain things to feel better about the rest of my out-of-my-control life is a good way to deal or… an unhealthy way. I mean, this isn’t the kind of controlling that leads to an eating disorder or maxing out credit cards. (Although, thoughtfully curating my wardrobe is my favorite beautiful method of control.) I’m just obsessing a bit over how my home and myself looks. Oh, obsess is not a healthy word, is it? And maybe I am spending a bit more than I should but buying things is something I can control! I can control physical objects that are or are not a part of my life. (Hey, I also love to get rid of stuff I no longer like- I don’t need to watch Marie Kondo’s show to know that feels good.) I mean, what else do any of us ever really have control over? Can’t control the weather or other people- that covers pretty much everything outside of our own actions. Although, sometimes it feels like I can’t control myself, either. I don’t mean compulsive behaviour. More like that charming duo of anxiety and depression. I can’t make myself be happy. Be productive. Be social. Be better. So, I stew in hate and anger and anxiety and then go home and make sure everything on my desk is perpendicular. So, at least I can control that.
So, I’m angry. I’m cranky (because those dogs start barking at 6am everyday). I’m a Winter grump. We’re getting a foot of snow today/tomorrow, so don’t expect this to go away anytime soon!
Me at 6am when the dogs start.
So, posting on my blog every week reminded me of the good old days of blogging when we did things like “Friday Favorites” or “10 Things I Love Sunday” and just shared a bunch of links to things we like on the Internet. So, I’m going to start sharing something every week.
This week I need you all to listen to this cover of Stayin’ Alive by Say Lou Lou that I have been listening to on repeat. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Stayin’ aliiiiiiIIIIIIIiiiiive!
See you next Tuesday!