I write about myself and movies and whatever I feel like. I turned my vlog, Tuesdays with Tish, into a weekly personal essay. I write about movies and tv that make an impression. I’ve written for BUST magazine and Hello Giggles.
I am an over-thinker, to put it lightly. I am obsessive, to put it strongly. Sometimes I get fixated on something positive that I’m excited about, but it’s more likely that I’ve found something that makes me upset to obsess over, which makes me spiral, bringing every other little imperfect thing in my life down into a depression hole. So, writing about my day only in a positive way is a little way to combat spiraling.
It’s not the 1920’s (the theme of the party I went to last week to which I wore a three piece suit complete with bow tie and fob watch); it’s not scandalous for women to wear a suit any more than it is for women to wear pants. She’s not disguising herself as a man. She’s just wearing a suit. And it’s hot.
When I was at film school (2007-2008), cable TV came with my apartment, so I was watching a lot of cake shows like Ace of Cakes and all those cake competition shows. (Don’t even mention Cake Boss to me- that guy is so annoying!) That, along with the general “cupcakes are cute” trend made me want to devote my life to making cute fondant-covered cakes and cupcakes.
I also didn’t bother trying to explain what I was doing at ComicCon this weekend. I guess my mom tried to explain already because Grandma said “Did your weekend go well? I don’t understand what you’re doing but I know you’re doing it.” That’s good enough for a grandma I think.
What’s it like to be a person who will actually tell the hairdresser when they do something you don’t like? I mean, we’re all just sitting there hoping they don’t cut too much off and wondering when they’re gonna get to that thing we specifically said we wanted at the front, right?
Today is also 15 years since Mean Girls came out. I was 14. 14 year old Tish thought 30 was all grown up. 14 year old Tish wrote a monthly zine full of emo poetry that she photocopied at the church and handed out to friends at school. 14 year old Tish really didn’t know what was going on with her hair but there was a lot of gel.
Am I expecting more than I deserve? But then- is that ‘Imposter Syndrome’ or whatever? Women backing down from taking credit because they don’t want to seem like they’re overstepping? I wanna say fuck that- I (we) deserve recognition, but… that’s not why we do the work, is it?
I’ve never had a Five Year Plan. I like plans and knowing what’s going to happen but I’ve also always lived like Rory Gilmore saying “Five year plan? Wow. I’ve got about the next two hours planned and then there’s just darkness. And possibly some dragons.”
Which brings me to… dating apps. Ugh. Groan. Fart noise. Everyone looks so boring! I know I’m picky. Very picky. Especially with men. But I don’t see the point in spending time talking to, or god forbid going out on a date with, someone I’m not TOTALLY STOKED about!
The thing about me and public speaking is… Anxiety? Stage fright? I don’t know what to call it, I mean, I definitely have anxiety in general, but I actually look forward to opportunities to speak in front of people (hello, self-centered attention-seeker).
If this were a video essay, I would just stand in front of the camera and SCREAM for nine and a half hours. Because that is how much time I spent watching all four A Star is Born movies last weekend and that is how they made me feel by the end.
The question here is; why did I care about having a boyfriend when I was only nine years old? I didn’t like boys. I didn’t want to kiss them. Or anyone. Why did I think having a boyfriend was such an important thing that I should do? Answer: heteronormativity.
But I love being busy. I like gettin’ shit done. I like feeling accomplishment. I like the approval from the people for whom I am getting work done. I like have a purpose moment to moment. I like crossing off a to-do list. Feels good. Overwhelming sometimes, but then I get organized and delegate and prioritize and feel better.